What I Have Learned As A Self Published Author

In this last year of marketing my book The Virgin Diaries, I have learned quite a bit. I often get emails from other authors asking me how to go about getting their book noticed. So I will share some of my knowledge here.

You publish your own book. It's your baby. You have been working on it for years. You have been rejected by the agents, the publishing houses, all the stupid idiots who clearly have NO idea what they are doing!

You take matters in your own hands. The lofty dreams begin. OPRAH'S COUCH!

We ALL see it. We ALL want it. We ALL send her a copy and think/hope that she will immediately see the incredible value of our book and BOOM! Fame, fortune and everything that goes with it. It's a nice little dream. I have had it. I have lived it. Without the fortune and fame part. ALL authors, self published or not, NEED to find their audience first.
When have you seen a teaser for the Oprah or Ellen show that went like this:

Tomorrow's show - A person you never heard of wrote a book that nobody read.

NO, you hear: Tomorrow, the book that's getting all the buzz  - How To  Blah Blah Blah.

The big media venues have to get ratings. They go with what they know will bring in an audience.

You should absolutely create a great press kit and target all the television talk shows from local news to Oprah. BUT that is the L.O.N.G. shot. I will go back to Amanda Hocking. She found blog reviewers to help spread the word for her. That's how she got herself a $2M four book deal in less than a year! She writes well, she found SOMEBODY ELSE to say her work is good and has value and then it became word of mouth. She also kept her prices low, knowing someone will pay $2.99 for Kindle. It's not a big investment and it's immediate. She gets 70% of that. Not too shabby.

Finding bloggers who review your genre is KEY!! They are the ones who get to the everyday people who are really your audience. I cannot stress this enough. It's free too. It involves searching for them and pitching them. So many have an e-reader so you can email them a version and pay nothing. If you must snail mail, it's still not a lot of cash on your part.

Utilizing Facebook Ads is also an inexpensive way to target millions. Whether you direct them to your Amazon page or your website, you can bid on clicks. Facebook will recommend $1 or more per click.Yeah, of course. But you can bid anything you wish. $0.10 will do just fine. $50 goes a long way. You select your demographic and target the many subjects available on FB. Like people who "Like" Oprah!

You should also sign up for Help A Reporter Out, Reporter Connection and Radio Publicity (all dot coms). They send daily emails to you letting you know if there is someone who is looking for a story or show related to your topic. It's great exposure and it helps to build your media resume and in turn, validates you to the more high profile shows.

It is important to listen to yourself after being interviewed. Clean up your speaking skills. Watch for repeating your words, saying "Uh" a lot and make sure to LISTEN to the host. Be prepared. Have a list of questions ready to provide for them. They won't always want it but it's a good thing to offer. If possible, let them know you are available for last minute interviews if they get a cancellation. If you find you click with a particular show, ask to be a regular guest where you can weigh in on issues (not always be promoting your product). It is a great way to get people to become aware of you and they will look you up.

When you join blog groups, Facebook and all the social media, do not hard sell. You will be ignored. Who wants some stranger on Facebook to cram their product down your throat? I hide the ones that do on my page. Establish yourself as a person who creates dialogue. Be funny, irreverent, controversial...anything to get people interested in you. Then they will gravitate to what you have to offer. Most won't buy it.

That is OK, but once they know about it, it may come up in a conversation they are having with another friend..."Oh, yeah, I have a FB friend that wrote a book about that. You should check it out..."

My least favorite part of all of it is patience. Chances are you will not be an overnight sensation. So if you don't get a call from one of Oprah's people, don't take it as a defeat. There is a huge chance your envelope was never even opened and it's in the trash along with the thousands of other books hoping to be the next Harry Potter.

Just keep writing, blogging, looking for your audience. Have fun and give it to God!

The Next Wave....

It has been a while since I have blogged. So I figured it's time to get my ass in gear.

 

I was recently made aware of Amanda Hocking. She is a self published author who put her first book out in April 2010. St. Martin's Press just offered her $2M for a four book deal.

 

I read her blog and she stated that her experience is not the norm and didn't want everyone to think it was easy. While I agree with her completely, what I think she didn't stress is that this whole self publishing deal is the wave of the future.

 

I predict within twenty years, there will be no more books. It will save trees but mostly because of Kindle, Nook and the like. People these days are all about technology. I am still old school and like to hold a book in my hand. I like the feel, the smell but soon enough, everything will be either print on demand or electronic.

 

Back to Amanda Hocking and her statement about self publishing. Yes, she is an  extreme case of very fast success. Most will not find such an enormous audience as she has in such a short time. But you can compare this with any other venue. For instance, if you upload a video to Youtube, there is no guarantee that it will be forwarded around the world overnight. Chances are you won't be the next Justin Beiber but that doesn't mean you should give up. I felt her message, though realistic, was slightly discouraging.

 

If you are an author and have a good overall product, you can inexpensively upload your book and have it available to the public within weeks. You have to utilize social networking, find people to blog/review your work and create interesting press kits. Youtube is a great way to help get the public acquainted with you and your work.

 

There is no absolute way to be successful when you are creative. You fall off of the horse everyday. People try to discourage your endeavors because they are jealous or afraid you are too hopeful for a successful outcome. You must pay them no mind. Be creative. Be bold. Believe in yourself and don't let the negative convince you that it's better to just dream. The publishing world is changing and it's at the very beginning. It's an important time and by forging ahead, you become a pioneer and help to create the road others will follow.

POLITICS SUCK!

I am liberal.

Recently, I mentioned this to my conservative friend. I was warned that as an author, I should steer clear or be careful of that word. It will imply that I am...A LIBERAL!!!!

Merriam Webster's definition of liberal says in part: " of or befitting a man of free birth...marked by generosity : openhanded...given or provided in a generous and openhanded way..."

The definition of conservative reads in part: "of or constituting a political party professing the principles of conservatism: as (1) : of or constituting a party of the United Kingdom advocating support of established institutions... tending or disposed to maintain existing views, conditions, or institutions...marked by moderation or caution...c : marked by or relating to traditional norms of taste, elegance, style, or manners..."

Isn't interesting that these two terms have taken on derogatory meanings on both sides?

Though I call myself liberal, I am not so pleased with the Democratic party. The Republican party, in my humble opinion has become in the last decade, a total and complete embarrassment with little exception. Prior to January 2000 we as a nation have thrived despite the fact our government has been divided. Something changed in the new millennium. George Bush became the became our forty-third president and the unraveling began.

The time has come for Independents to finally gain some real momentum. With the Internet, independent politicians have the opportunity to reach millions of people via social networks at a fraction of the cost of traditional campaigns. We all know that the "A list" politicians will be financed by big business on both sides. That gets the major television time, robo calls, etc. Does anyone ever take the time to listen to those annoying robo calls, read the pamphlets? I don't. Consider the homeless TV announcer who's Youtube got twelve million hits in two days. If your message resonates, it's on every Facebook & Twitter page and passed in email We live in a virtual society that grows daily.

Our system is failing us. We are really the ones to blame. The American Government is SUPPOSED to be of the people and by the people. But we are too lazy, scared or uniformed to do anything other than complain. This is truly THE opportunity for the Independents, the ones that usually just got in the way of the BIG TWO. You need to be strong. You need to be smart. You need to make intriguing videos. You will get our attention. When we like what you have to say, we'll post it, email it - we will be your marketers. For better or worse, we have become social media minions.

This is my call to a strong Independent party that will speak to both sides. We all want the same thing. A nice home, a good education, dependable, affordable healthcare and the pursuit of happiness. We need a new way to govern. I don't have the answers but someone out there does.

We just need you to introduce yourself to us. We will help you. I promise. Pass this around if you agree.

Your Child Is Curious About Sex!

Recently I had a conversation with a thirty-eight year old mom with two small daughters about how she lost her virginity. She read my book THE VIRGIN DIARIES and like so many others, felt it is an important topic to discuss. She explained to me that much like most people in my book, she didn't get any guidance from her parents. She was only warned not to have sex. Her sex education came from her two older brothers when she was six years old. They told her sex was when a penis went into a vagina and she was horrified. At age thirteen, her girlfriend told her how great sex is and that losing your virginity was a wonderful experience, everyone was doing it. This woman felt peer pressure and decided to lose her virginity at thirteen with a seventeen year old boy who she barely knew, though to this day she can still remember his name. It was outside, it hurt and afterward she felt bad about her experience.

She expressed to me that she wants to be a better parent to her girls than her parents were to her where sex education is concerned. She also talked about how awkward it is to even think about but she would rather deal with awkwardness then to have her daughters experience a situation like hers.

In the book HE'S JUST NOT THAT INTO YOU, author Greg Behrendt points out time and again that women should NOT see themselves as the exception but rather they should always see themselves as the rule. Behrendt advises us to MOVE ON. Stop waiting for the guy who never calls to ride up on his white horse.

I am offering the same advice to parents. Do not consider your kids to be the exception. Just because they may tell you they are not interested in sex or they aren't sexually active doesn't mean they are being totally honest with you. It is just as awkward for them. Think back to when you were thirteen, fourteen, fifteen and up. I'll bet you were interested in one of your peers and wondered what all the fuss was about sexually. Did you admit this to your parents? Did you admit that you were curious about kissing, getting to first base or farther? Did you even feel comfortable at all asking your parents about sex? Especially the feelings associated with it?

Your children are no different. They are curious and have questions and even though it feels strange to discuss sex with you, they do want and need guidance. As parents, you prepare your kids for college, driving, SATs and so much more. It is extremely important to prepare them for sex as well. Yet so many parents leave it to the media, school and other children to educate their own children about sex. In this day and age with technology, children have access to explicit pornography via the Internet. Kids really think they know all there is to know about sex. Perhaps they understand the mechanics but how much do they know about the feelings associated with sex, especially at a young age?

I encourage you to watch this video with three 15 year old girls discussing their thoughts on "the sex talk."

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=LBfElsrqcCA

Read THE VIRGIN DIARIES  and leave it around where your children can find it. Let them know it's OK to ask questions and try not to judge or lay down harsh, unrealistic rules about it. They are just young humans who need to be guided. Don't let your child make a foolish choice and end up pregnant, with an STD or a humiliating first time because you felt too weird to talk about it.

The Virgin Diaries is only available online. Both in paperback as well as Kindle. The Kindle price is $2.99.

You can preview two stories from the book on arkstories.com

Grow Old Or Die!

Why do so many women feel ashamed to admit their age?

I am forty-two. I have no problem telling anyone how old I am. I never have. In fact when I was thirty-two and was no longer pursuing acting, I found myself at a slew of Hollywood parties filled with producers and directors and various actors. Because I had been out of the industry for about a year, I no longer felt the pressure of how I looked or how others perceived me in order to book a gig. I was free. It became a game with me that when I met a new producer, I would tell them I was ten years older than I was and would offer how much I weighed. I could see them cringing for me and then they would lecture me on how I was supposed to keep those things private. My stock answer was "Famous people's ages and birthdays are announced every night on "Entertainment Tonight."

What difference does it make? If you look old and say you're younger than you are, people either know you're lying or they think you really look old. If you look good for your age, others see that and respect that you have the freedom to be honest.

Clearly as we age, we lose the youthful allure we get so used to in our adult life. We all want to feel attractive, sexy and alluring. I believe women at any age can be attractive and it's no secret that no matter what you look like, how old you are or how much you weigh, if you want to have sex, you can find someone.

Our culture has so much to do with it. Magazines are one of the worst culprits. I no longer buy or read beauty magazines. They bombard you with hypocritical messages. Open it up and see an article claiming you can erase years off of your face with the latest and greatest face cream. Next page is an article about how you should love yourself they way you are. The next is a picture of a mature woman who has been totally airbrushed and wrinkle free.Take this seriously and you may find yourself running to the plastic surgeon or beating yourself up because you have lines.

Regardless of how you look, age is something you have earned. You have acquired knowledge, experience, wisdom. If someone else is going to pass negative judgment on you, isn't that their problem? Why do we make it our problem?

In the last decade, I have known men who also have a hard time with the age thing though men do have it easier. They get to be "distinguished.' Not all, there are those men who don't age well. But so what??? WHY is it such a big deal? 

I take pride in knowing I have survived the challenges life has thrown at me as well as riding the wave of all the wonderful things it has to offer. I do wish I had the body I did when I was about thirty-five. I was smokin' hot. But I don't. I still look pretty good. I work out and eat well. Every day, Father Time takes his toll...on all of us.


Shame should not be a factor. The alternative is death. Which would you prefer?

What Does It Feel Like to Have Sex For The First Time?

Do you wonder what it feels like to lose your virginity? Will it feel really good? Will you have regret? Will it hurt? Will you feel different?

You probably know how it's done, the mechanics of it. But do you really understand what to expect emotionally? You have questions. The Virgin Diaries has the answers.

Do you think if you pull out at the last minute you will avoid pregnancy? What about if a girl is on her period? Can she get pregnant? Does the rhythym method work?

Seventy-two people were interviewed anonymously and gave their accounts of what it feels like, emotionally as well as physically to have first time consensual sex.

No one, including the authors tell you what to think or how to feel. The participants range in age from 20-77. The youngest to lose it was a twelve year old girl and surprisingly, the oldest was a thirty-two year old man. The stories are evenly split and there are thirty-six from each gender. Six stories are told by gay people. There is no other book like it. No where else will you find all of this information. Information your parents are too embarrassed to tell you about, teachers aren't allowed to and some of your friends don't know.

Click on the link to read two full stories. http://arkstories.com/readtwostoriesfromtvd.html

Having sex for the first time is YOUR CHOICE. Many people try to tell you what to do. What not to do. How to think. Ultimately, you are the one to decide.

The stories in The Virgin Diaries break it down for you.  Not only is sex described in detail but you get to  be a fly on the wall in seventy-two people's lives as they find out what it feels like to have sex for the first time.

The Virgin Diaries is on Kindle for only $2.99 and Print On Demand and can be ordered at Amazon.com. Bookstores do not stock it. You have to order it at the store. If you want to pick the book up at the store, find a smaller, independent bookstore (it's best to call before to make sure). They can order it and hold it for you until you can pick it up. Some of the bigger chain bookstores like Barnes & Noble can order it for you but they will ship it to your home and not hold it at the store. It can also be ordered from Amazon.com and other online booksellers.

You can see all our videos  by going to http://www.arkstories.com/ on as well as read reviews, quotes from the book and a lot more.

Your life. Your choice. Make it an informed one!

What's All This Fuss About Masturbation?

Perhaps Senate hopeful Christine O'Donnell had no idea her thoughts on masturbation would become such a hot topic in 2010. The "liberal elite" media has definitely picked up on this with Keith Olbermann, Rachel Maddow and Lawrence O'Donnell talking about it on their shows. Saturday Night Live opened the new season with a parody of O'Donnell saying she didn't realize what she was talking about when she preached against it and states that now she masturbates all the time. Even Carl Rove—CARL ROVE—has a problem with what has come out of her mouth.

Thanks to Christine O'Donnell, the subject of masturbation, quasi-taboo several months ago, is now all over the media. People are talking about it, making jokes, having fun with it. Why not? Masturbation does not cause blindness. In fact it is a normal, healthy part of human sexual behavior. It helps us realize what we like and don't like, relieves tension and promotes a vivid and creative imagination. For a pubescent teen, masturbation helps to relieve the pressure of wanting to try it, making it easier to wait.

American culture is sadly lacking in healthy attitudes towards sex. We use it to sell everything from deodorant to cable TV. But there is an underlying dirty aspect attached to it. Americans have a puritanical view of sex, yet we choose to delight in the pornographic side of it. Mixed messages abound and those who suffer most are our youth. Young women have become famous by flashing their exposed vaginas to the paparazzi and making homemade sex tapes that get "leaked" to the press. We Americans judge and criticize these girls and call them whores but clearly embrace what they do and make sure they are paid handsomely for doing it.

As an author of a book about sex, The Virgin Diaries, I see it all the time, while out there in bookstores and at festivals. Our society’s mixed sexual messages color the way we educate our youth.  Parents will pass by with their kids and as soon as they see the word virgin they become visibly uncomfortable and look away. It’s interesting to note that when younger kids (12-14 years old) have an opportunity to look at the book without their parents'  knowledge, it is clear how interested they really are. This should not come as a surprise, as we were all young once and can remember wondering about it even if we were not ready to engage in it.

I have not heard Bristol Palin's views on masturbation but we all know she preaches abstinence. How easy it must be for her to have had sex and a baby and now collects fifteen to twenty thousand dollars per speaking engagement to preach abstinence. A clear case of do as I say, not as I do.

Why is it that the right wing Republicans, the party calling for less government, wants to dictate so much in our lives? Including our SEX lives? Especially when these views are from a religious standpoint. If I am correct, this is still a free country and we as citizens still have freedom of religion, so why should you or I refrain from sex or masturbation because an evangelical politician or daughter of a money-grubbing, power hungry Pit Bull with lipstick says so?

It is easy to write this off and make jokes. These are extreme ideas and not everyone, or even the majority of people, care what a small group of politicians has to say about our sex lives. But it is important. These voices are loud and are gaining strength and attention. Their words are out in the world, keeping the idea of sex and masturbation dirty and forbidden. In doing so, they encourage people to make money by putting their genitals on display in the hope that they too will have their fifteen minutes of fame.

Sex happens. It always has and always will.  Education is the best defense against whatever consequences may come from it, such as unwanted pregnancies and STDs. It IS a free country and we have the right to believe and practice what we want within the parameters of the law. If people similar to Christine O'Donnell come into power, the laws may change. Abortions may become illegal again. Rules on where, when or with whom you can enjoy sex may be thrust upon you. Open your eyes, educate, be educated and do not allow a religious sector (especially one you do not follow) or political stance to dictate your behavior, sexual or otherwise.

I would personally like to thank Christine O'Donnell for bringing so much attention to the subject of sex and masturbation. It is a subject that needs attention in a positive and healthy way.

If you’re looking to provide positive sex education to teens, may I recommend my book, The Virgin Diaries. It is a compilation of seventy-two anonymous stories from men and women about what it feels like to have consensual first time sex. Some other books to look at are: Restless Virgins: Love, Sex, and Survival at a New England Prep School  by Abigail Jones and Marissa Miley and Dirty Words: A Literary Encyclopedia of Sex by Ellen Sussman.

To quote one of the stories from The Virgin Diaries "Don't wait. Masturbate!