Showing posts with label first time sex. Show all posts
Showing posts with label first time sex. Show all posts

Wednesday, May 30, 2012

Social Media And The New Sexual Revolution





The 60’s brought us the sexual revolution. Women suddenly had the option of birth control and were able to earn their own money. They burned their bras and a whole new culture began.


It’s been a confusing journey for the sexes. We are living much longer lives and when you say “I do” in your youth, you don’t fully understand the meaning of “until death do us part” until you’ve been married long enough to get bored.  High divorce rates and infidelity have played a large role as a result of the revolution. It wasn’t necessarily better before the 60’s, women just had less options. If they were unhappy in their marriage, they tended to stay to avoid a less than favorable “reputation” as well as not having the ability to earn enough to support themselves. The burden was mostly felt by women but men also chose to stay in an unhappy or dysfunctional marriage simply because appearances were too important, or he didn’t earn enough to support two households.


In the last decade, we’ve seen the explosion of social media and have enjoyed reconnecting with old friends—and lovers. We meet new people from all over the globe as we peruse our Facebook and Twitter feeds. Conversations start up and relationships begin which can lead to romanticizing who this other person is—or who we want them to be. Men and women both participate.


One of the dangers that social media flirting offers, is that when we are in a committed relationship that is going through a lull or boring phase, the temptation to find excitement with a stranger is very easy and very tempting. If it goes too far, the otherwise healthy relationship that just needed a little time to get back on track, can be forever ruined. Remember Anthony Weiner?



You’ve more than likely seen the many articles on how Facebook has broken up marriages and causes fighting and arguments. It’s difficult to decipher what is innocent and what is intentional flirting. Something that can start as an innocent “like” on a picture can easily and quickly result in that inevitable question “ Are you on Skype?”


Cell phones are now equipped with video chat and it’s quite simple to make that leap when no one is looking. But frankly, everyone is looking. So much is out there for anyone to see and with all the great things that come with the technological advances we’re making, our relationships are under construction— a new revolution.


It’s my theory that the next generation, who will grow up in this tech world, will view relationships differently. It’s fairly easy to catch someone flirting online and it’s also easy to jump to conclusions. It’s impossible to accurately understand what the truth is behind a comment or a “like.”  What we have been experiencing for the past fifty or so years is now changing at a rapid place and we are forced to keep up.

I don’t know what it will mean exactly for our romantic relationships but I like to believe it will force both genders to really take a look at what they want in a mate. People will always pair off and have children. There’s bound to be divorce in any scenario—people change, they grow apart or they choose to marry for the wrong reasons and eventually part ways.

Social media is redefining the way we are conducting our love lives. It is increasingly difficult to trust someone who appears to be an Internet flirt. I question if it will make our relationships more difficult or if we will benefit from the changes taking place.

I’d love to know your thoughts.






Friday, March 23, 2012

3rd Graders Engage In Oral Sex At School

I saw the shocking headline 3rd Graders Reportedly Have Oral Sex Under Desk, Teacher Fired For Not Noticing and immediately thought; another example of why parents should be pro-active when tackling the issue of sex education in the home.

As an author of a book on first time sex meant for teens and virgins, I occasionally catch some flack from parents saying teens should not talk about or even know anything about sex. It's understandable that the idea of your child thinking about, engaging in or talking about sex is an uncomfortable one, but when you delude yourself as a parent and see your child as the exception, you do your child a disservice. You leave them to find out for themselves about sex and they usually get their information from peers, television and social media and that information is usually not accurate.

Here's the deal. Children are exposed to sex. Somehow, some way these third graders found out about oral sex. I'll tell you, when I was eight, there was NO WAY IN HELL, I would have let ANYONE see my private parts. But that's me. There are those youngsters who don't take issue and don't feel that same kind of embarrassment. I personally don't think what they did was wrong. But I also think that it should be explained to them that it isn't appropriate and why this kind of behavior is not to be repeated. Not by shaming them or by telling them that curiosity about sex is wrong but by being honest. I would ask where they saw this behavior and LISTEN to how they reply. I would explain that these kinds of actions are designated for adults as an expression of emotion and that they are done in private. Maybe compare it to drinking alcohol. It's only for people of a certain age and must be done responsibly. Let them know it's a difficult subject and not easy for them to understand but ask them to trust you and one day they will see why this sort of thing is not acceptable for people their age.

By raging, freaking out and making them feel shameful, you don't help them. You may even be encouraging them to be more curious.

Take a look at three fifteen year-old females talking about how they feel when it comes to parents, sex and thoughts on my book, The Virgin Diaries.





Wednesday, March 7, 2012

In The Minds Of Men: How Do They Cope With Lost Love?






Dear Diary,

I called him around 2:00 today. He didn't
answer. I didn't leave a message. He always used
to call me right back. It's 9:30 and nothing. I
looked at his Facebook and he hasn't been on.
He's probably on a date, having sex with some
exciting NEW woman. Some stupid woman who
doesn't yet realize that he's an ASS!!!!
This sucks! I HATE that I miss him. I wish I didn't
think about him all the time. I wish I was
stronger. I wish I was more like a man. They can
just go out with someone else and it's no big
deal.
Why isn't he calling me back???? I REALLY have
to MOVE ON and NOT THINK ABOUT HIM
ANYMORE!!! But I can't help it. Does he think
about me? Does he even miss me? Tomorrow is
the anniversary of our first date. I'll bet he
doesn't even realize or care. Why do I even
care???
I just wish that I knew if he was thinking about
me. That I still mean something to him. Why
isn't he calling me back? It's so much easier for
men! It's NOT FAIR!!!



What every woman wants to know!


How do men REALLY feel when they lose the one they love? Modern society tells them they must suck it up but inside the emotions are strong. Thirty-eight men found a forum and they told it like it is, while observations from psychics, therapists and bartenders shine a light on the inner workings of the psyche of the man who has lost love through betrayal, divorce, death or bad timing.

The Marine who got a Dear John letter while serving in Iraq.

The guy who lost his woman because of FAKE BOOBS!

Left at the altar!

She dumped him and then asked for advice about her new boyfriend.

How the economic downturn was responsible for one man’s broken heart.

The straight married man who took a gay lover.


AND MORE!!!!!

Reviews: Click Here
Read Two Full Stories: Click Here
Purchase The Paperback $8.95: Click Here
Purchase The Kindle Copy $2.99: Click Here
Purchase On Smashwords $2.99: Click Here
Please visit http://www.arkstories.com/ to check out all of my works.

Tuesday, December 6, 2011

The Virgin Diaries & The Adult Virgin

 
Recently I had the pleasure of interviewing Anthony Tarquinto,  and he shared what it feels like to be a 42 year-old male virgin. Anthony read my book The Virgin Diaries and expressed gratitude that someone wrote a book for him. It was a wonderful thing to hear! I wanted this book to be helpful and informative to virgins because people who've never had sex, have questions about it. I did. The Virgin Diaries has the answers to what it feels like the first time, for any virgin of any age.


TLC aired it's controversial new show The Virgin Diaries (no relation to my book) on December 4, 2011.
Hype about the "first kiss" of a couple who just married was all over Twitter. From the tweets and comments I saw, TLC is being accused of exploiting virgins.

I watched the show. I personally do not believe TLC was exploiting anyone. They followed the lives of a group of adults who have chosen to either "reclaim their virginity" or wait until marriage to become sexually active. It is an odd thing in modern day society to be in your 30's and still be a virgin. Whether you think these folks are to be revered or ridiculed is not the point. Abstinence is their personal choice and TLC just captured a glimpse into their lives.

One thing that struck me is the fear and emotion displayed by the bride talking with a friend about her wedding night. As an adult who's never had sex, the expectation was extreme. She specifically stated that she didn't know what to expect and it was then I then shouted to the television "HELLOOOOO!!! I CREATED A BOOK FOR YOU!"

The older you are and the longer you wait to have sex puts more and more pressure on what it will and should be like. After consummating their marriage, The groom stated it wasn't what he was expecting and that it wasn't like the movies. The bride said it was painful. Well, this is no surprise to me. A.) I am not a virgin so I have real life experience here and B.) There's more than one story in The Virgin Diaries where the author states how the media glamorizes first time sex and how their first time was nothing like what they've seen portrayed in TV and film.

When I came up with the idea to collect stories of what it felt like to have first time sex, I focused more on targeting teens. Anthony Tarquinto and TLC opened my eyes to the fact that there are plenty of adults who have yet to take the leap and they have their own specific set of questions, fears and expectations. Perhaps the prolonged build-up of anticipation creates a more urgent sense of curiosity?

When Anthony thanked my mother and me for making The Virgin Diaries, it really made me think about who can benefit by reading 72 people's accounts of what it felt like, both emotionally as well as physically to go all the way. TLC's show convinced me that those who choose abstinence, for whatever reason, would like to be able to utilize the information I've collected.

Nothing compares to first-hand experience but to fill the gap while waiting, The Virgin Diaries promises to help answer whatever questions may arise. Of the 72 men and women who shared their story, a good portion were 20 and older before they lost their virginity.

Watch a Youtube of an animated avatar reciting a story from the book: VIDEO
***As a result of the TLC premiere, the video has gotten over 8000 hits since 11/29/11.

The Virgin Diaries is avaiblable for purchase on Amazon.com. Paperback and eBook.
See more information on http://www.arkstories.com/

Saturday, November 12, 2011

Excerpts from The Virgin Diaries

There are other books that have collections of virginity stories. The Virgin Diaries is not the first nor will it be the last. People are interested in sex. Especially virgins and that is why I made this book. I remember being a young girl, a bit of a prude and had zero interest in having sex but because our culture is so obsessed with it, I had a healthy interest. "What is all the fuss about?"

Before compiling the stories, I was unable to find any other collection that had such a diverse mix. The people who shared their tale range in ages 20-77. They are gay, straight, male and female. The majority state they got NO advice from parents or anyone.

It was important to me that when collecting these stories, they were not too sexually graphic. I didn't want to make a soft porn book, I wanted a source for curious virgins so that when sex starts to become a real issue and possibility, they could make an informed decision on what to expect emotionally as well as physically.


Last, I didn't want any commentary. No history, no comparison - not to other stories in the book or my own experiences. I trust the reader can make up their own on what to think and how to feel.

Here are some excerpts from the book. The Virgin Diaries is only $2.99 on Kindle and the paperback edition is $12.95


Female. 77. I was 15 years old.
"...Looking back, it was very sweet and a very important time of my life because I had somebody to hold, to be with. I was relatively insecure in myself. It just made me feel close to somebody and that I needed to be a part of somebody's life. That's what it did. We had boyfriends then, we didn't have parties where people switched partners and it was just different. You went steady and eventually you had sex. You loved each other, whether it was real love or not. It was something you did to be close...."

Female 46. I was 21 then---nearly 22.
"....The best part was being that close to another person. The worst part was the pain...
The only thing that I'd change now is that I'd have told him I was a virgin. I think I sold him a little short on that one. And it would've been nice if we'd have both shared the experience of my first time as such together. Perhaps it was my withholding the truth that ultimately led to his withdrawing his affection and backing away. Now I'll never know if that little while lie cost me dearly..."

Male 43. I lost my virginity when I was 18 to a girl I didn't even like.
"...I remember getting drunk and taking this girl into my friend's bedroom, as I had many times before. I didn't know what the hell I was doing and luckily, because I was drunk and did not care about her, I wasn't embarrassed...
I found out later that night that she was a virgin too and really liked me a lot. I didn't care one way or the other, not because that's my personality, I just had a world of other more important things on my mind, like what the hell I was going to do with the rest of my life...."

Female 20. I was just 17.
"...Looking back, my worries were not really what stopped me. I just was not ready. I worried about it changing our relationship, pregnancy and the pain of the first actual time and Jim. However when we did have sex for the first time, I did not even think twice about any of these things....
Physically, my first sexual experience was painful. I don't remember him having trouble getting it in but I felt as though my body was being ripped in half. In an overwhelming mixture of physical pain and unfathomable emotional connection, I cried. With every tear that fell out of my eyes, Jim kept kissing me and telling me he loved me...."

Male 26. At the time I was a sophomore in college.
"...I was a Nervous Nelly. I had no idea what to do and I didn't want to look like an idiot...
I was happy, scared, sad, all of it. It happened so fast, so all of the emotions were pouring out of me at the same time. I was respectful and gentle and sweet..."

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