Friday, August 26, 2011

The Elusive Male Psyche


                                     Women, do men confuse you?

Men have been confusing me for YEARS!!!!!!!!!! Just when I think I understand something or get a handle on one of them, they do something to make me scratch my head and run back to the drawing board to start all over.

In November of 2010, I was talking with a girlfriend of mine. Of course, the topic was men. Both of us sat there discussing, analyzing and trying to see if between the two of us, we could figure out the one she was seeing. She had just gotten back together with her boyfriend and we talked about how men handle break-ups differently than women. She said to me "That should be your next book!!!" Initially, I agreed but forgot about it until she said it again. I thought about it, discussed it with my mother and partner, Ann Werner, and decided that it was an amazing idea.

What do men go through when they lose love? How do they handle it? As women, we can sit and analyze all day long but wouldn't it be better to have MEN tell us?? The answer was a clear and resounding YES and the search for men to share their stories began.

We started looking for men to interview in December of 2010. The stories were slow to come in. I started to worry because that's what I do. My mother assured me that after the holidays, stories would come in at a swifter pace and like usual, Mom was right. They didn't pour in like they did for our first book The Virgin Diaries but they did come. In a five month period, we collected thirty-eight stories as well as observations about how men deal with a broken heart from therapists, bartenders and psychics.

Even though some of what these anonymous men shared was not surprising, so much of it was. I was shocked to learn that a great deal of them abstained from sex, sometimes for years after suffering a broken heart. That was indeed the most eye-opening piece of information that I took away.

I wondered at first if the stories would only come from a bunch of "sad sacks" and fortunately I was wrong. I was so moved by each one. They are all so different. What really got to me was that in these tales of woe, there was an underlying message that came through in each and every one. These men were not only telling us about the heartbreak they suffered, they showed us how they love. They expose the deep vulnerabilities men have when they open their hearts. Once they fall for someone, the feelings they have are monumental. Their ability to love is so deep.

In the book, we touch upon the fact that society, especially American society, frowns upon men openly expressing pain, considering it a sign of weakness. The result is men holding their feelings in and trying to navigate through their pain alone. Women know very well that when we are in distress for any reason, we can get on the phone with any number of our friends and talk it to death! We have the luxury of releasing our feelings.

It reminds me of an episode of Sex and The City where Carrie talks to her friends at nauseam about her break-up with Big. Eventually they had to shut her up but they were there for her as she dissected every little aspect of her relationship. She NEEDED to, she was in pain and her friends gave her the time and love she needed to move on.

In Ain't No Sunshine: Men Reveal The Pain Of Heartbreak, you can read about the man who was dumped because his fiance got huge fake boobs (click here to watch the video!)the Marine who got a "Dear John" email while serving in Iraq, the married man who had an affair with another man but doesn't feel he's gay and the guy who was left at the altar. I would bet good money you will be surprised at what these men disclose. The anonymity provided the perfect canvas for them to paint the picture without fear of being called a wuss.


Click here to read  Two Stories  from the book!
And here to read the Reviews.
It's available in print and is only $.99 on Amazon Kindle. Click here to start reading it now!