Sunday, November 21, 2010

Grow Old Or Die!

Why do so many women feel ashamed to admit their age?

I am forty-two. I have no problem telling anyone how old I am. I never have. In fact when I was thirty-two and was no longer pursuing acting, I found myself at a slew of Hollywood parties filled with producers and directors and various actors. Because I had been out of the industry for about a year, I no longer felt the pressure of how I looked or how others perceived me in order to book a gig. I was free. It became a game with me that when I met a new producer, I would tell them I was ten years older than I was and would offer how much I weighed. I could see them cringing for me and then they would lecture me on how I was supposed to keep those things private. My stock answer was "Famous people's ages and birthdays are announced every night on "Entertainment Tonight."

What difference does it make? If you look old and say you're younger than you are, people either know you're lying or they think you really look old. If you look good for your age, others see that and respect that you have the freedom to be honest.

Clearly as we age, we lose the youthful allure we get so used to in our adult life. We all want to feel attractive, sexy and alluring. I believe women at any age can be attractive and it's no secret that no matter what you look like, how old you are or how much you weigh, if you want to have sex, you can find someone.

Our culture has so much to do with it. Magazines are one of the worst culprits. I no longer buy or read beauty magazines. They bombard you with hypocritical messages. Open it up and see an article claiming you can erase years off of your face with the latest and greatest face cream. Next page is an article about how you should love yourself they way you are. The next is a picture of a mature woman who has been totally airbrushed and wrinkle free.Take this seriously and you may find yourself running to the plastic surgeon or beating yourself up because you have lines.

Regardless of how you look, age is something you have earned. You have acquired knowledge, experience, wisdom. If someone else is going to pass negative judgment on you, isn't that their problem? Why do we make it our problem?

In the last decade, I have known men who also have a hard time with the age thing though men do have it easier. They get to be "distinguished.' Not all, there are those men who don't age well. But so what??? WHY is it such a big deal? 
I take pride in knowing I have survived the challenges life has thrown at me as well as riding the wave of all the wonderful things it has to offer. I do wish I had the body I did when I was about thirty-five. I was smokin' hot. But I don't. I still look pretty good. I work out and eat well. Every day, Father Time takes his toll...on all of us.

Shame should not be a factor. The alternative is death. Which would you prefer?

Saturday, October 23, 2010

What Does It Feel Like to Have Sex For The First Time?

Do you wonder what it feels like to lose your virginity? Will it feel really good? Will you have regret? Will it hurt? Will you feel different?
You probably know how it's done, the mechanics of it. But do you really understand what to expect emotionally? You have questions. The Virgin Diaries has the answers.

Do you think if you pull out at the last minute you will avoid pregnancy? What about if a girl is on her period? Can she get pregnant? Does the rhythym method work?

Seventy-two people were interviewed anonymously and gave their accounts of what it feels like, emotionally as well as physically to have first time consensual sex.

No one, including the authors tell you what to think or how to feel. The participants range in age from 20-77. The youngest to lose it was a twelve year old girl and surprisingly, the oldest was a thirty-two year old man. The stories are evenly split and there are thirty-six from each gender. Six stories are told by gay people. There is no other book like it. No where else will you find all of this information. Information your parents are too embarrassed to tell you about, teachers aren't allowed to and some of your friends don't know.

Click on the link to read two full stories.

Having sex for the first time is YOUR CHOICE. Many people try to tell you what to do. What not to do. How to think. Ultimately, you are the one to decide.

The stories in The Virgin Diaries break it down for you.  Not only is sex described in detail but you get to  be a fly on the wall in seventy-two people's lives as they find out what it feels like to have sex for the first time.

The Virgin Diaries is on Kindle for only $2.99 and Print On Demand and can be ordered at Bookstores do not stock it. You have to order it at the store. If you want to pick the book up at the store, find a smaller, independent bookstore (it's best to call before to make sure). They can order it and hold it for you until you can pick it up. Some of the bigger chain bookstores like Barnes & Noble can order it for you but they will ship it to your home and not hold it at the store. It can also be ordered from and other online booksellers.

You can see all our videos  by going to on as well as read reviews, quotes from the book and a lot more.

Your life. Your choice. Make it an informed one!

Wednesday, October 6, 2010

What's All This Fuss About Masturbation?

Perhaps Senate hopeful Christine O'Donnell had no idea her thoughts on masturbation would become such a hot topic in 2010. The "liberal elite" media has definitely picked up on this with Keith Olbermann, Rachel Maddow and Lawrence O'Donnell talking about it on their shows. Saturday Night Live opened the new season with a parody of O'Donnell saying she didn't realize what she was talking about when she preached against it and states that now she masturbates all the time. Even Carl Rove—CARL ROVE—has a problem with what has come out of her mouth.

Thanks to Christine O'Donnell, the subject of masturbation, quasi-taboo several months ago, is now all over the media. People are talking about it, making jokes, having fun with it. Why not? Masturbation does not cause blindness. In fact it is a normal, healthy part of human sexual behavior. It helps us realize what we like and don't like, relieves tension and promotes a vivid and creative imagination. For a pubescent teen, masturbation helps to relieve the pressure of wanting to try it, making it easier to wait.

American culture is sadly lacking in healthy attitudes towards sex. We use it to sell everything from deodorant to cable TV. But there is an underlying dirty aspect attached to it. Americans have a puritanical view of sex, yet we choose to delight in the pornographic side of it. Mixed messages abound and those who suffer most are our youth. Young women have become famous by flashing their exposed vaginas to the paparazzi and making homemade sex tapes that get "leaked" to the press. We Americans judge and criticize these girls and call them whores but clearly embrace what they do and make sure they are paid handsomely for doing it.

As an author of a book about sex, The Virgin Diaries, I see it all the time, while out there in bookstores and at festivals. Our society’s mixed sexual messages color the way we educate our youth.  Parents will pass by with their kids and as soon as they see the word virgin they become visibly uncomfortable and look away. It’s interesting to note that when younger kids (12-14 years old) have an opportunity to look at the book without their parents'  knowledge, it is clear how interested they really are. This should not come as a surprise, as we were all young once and can remember wondering about it even if we were not ready to engage in it.

I have not heard Bristol Palin's views on masturbation but we all know she preaches abstinence. How easy it must be for her to have had sex and a baby and now collects fifteen to twenty thousand dollars per speaking engagement to preach abstinence. A clear case of do as I say, not as I do.

Why is it that the right wing Republicans, the party calling for less government, wants to dictate so much in our lives? Including our SEX lives? Especially when these views are from a religious standpoint. If I am correct, this is still a free country and we as citizens still have freedom of religion, so why should you or I refrain from sex or masturbation because an evangelical politician or daughter of a money-grubbing, power hungry Pit Bull with lipstick says so?

It is easy to write this off and make jokes. These are extreme ideas and not everyone, or even the majority of people, care what a small group of politicians has to say about our sex lives. But it is important. These voices are loud and are gaining strength and attention. Their words are out in the world, keeping the idea of sex and masturbation dirty and forbidden. In doing so, they encourage people to make money by putting their genitals on display in the hope that they too will have their fifteen minutes of fame.

Sex happens. It always has and always will.  Education is the best defense against whatever consequences may come from it, such as unwanted pregnancies and STDs. It IS a free country and we have the right to believe and practice what we want within the parameters of the law. If people similar to Christine O'Donnell come into power, the laws may change. Abortions may become illegal again. Rules on where, when or with whom you can enjoy sex may be thrust upon you. Open your eyes, educate, be educated and do not allow a religious sector (especially one you do not follow) or political stance to dictate your behavior, sexual or otherwise.

I would personally like to thank Christine O'Donnell for bringing so much attention to the subject of sex and masturbation. It is a subject that needs attention in a positive and healthy way.

If you’re looking to provide positive sex education to teens, may I recommend my book, The Virgin Diaries. It is a compilation of seventy-two anonymous stories from men and women about what it feels like to have consensual first time sex. Some other books to look at are: Restless Virgins: Love, Sex, and Survival at a New England Prep School  by Abigail Jones and Marissa Miley and Dirty Words: A Literary Encyclopedia of Sex by Ellen Sussman.

To quote one of the stories from The Virgin Diaries "Don't wait. Masturbate!